03
Sep
10

Finding ways to make it work

The last couple of weeks (well probably months really) have been hectic for me, very much so in the all work and no play category. I’m starting to get a bit more time back, and my other half has started to express some interest in taking charge of things a bit more, which I love more than words can explain! So the thing now is how to do we take this energy and do something fun with it?

So far it’s been little things like her giving me little slaps on the ass and getting a little more aggressive sexually as well (again – fantastic!), and the other night she left out a butt plug and a pair of women’s panties (actually I think it was a thong) for me to wear … unfortunately it was hiding under something and I unwittingly moved it and didn’t see it – bit of a fail on my behalf! That sorta ended with us having a bit of a chat where She didn’t think I was in to it, and I wasn’t sure where She stood either – basically just some miscommunication and I think a bit of us both being unsure about how to slip into our roles as Mistress and slave.

So for me I think that’s the next step – finding some way to start working that Mistress/slave dynamic into our lives a bit more. Now I’m not sure what will work as a starting point there – I think maybe if She starts giving me some rules to follow and some basic punishments for failing that might work. Maybe something involving chastity, keeping myself hair free, doing the house work, serving her sexually, I don’t know – it’s hard to pick a starting point that will help create that dynamic for us. I’m open to ideas on this one, and it’s something I want to sit down and talk through with Mistress (see that’s another thing, calling her Mistress more often, certainly no reason to not always do so on the blog here).

I think we’ll get there, we just need to get that dynamic started!

12
Aug
10

Things about slavery that make me hot

I read a blog post over at Miss D’s blog today, it’s one of a series where she is discussing various types of Mistresses and how they feminize their slaves. Now the ‘why’ the whole feminization thing appeals to me is probably something for another post – but this particular post talked about the “sadistic domme”, which as I was reading really just spelled out a whole lot of fantasies that I have in my head about how I would like my slavery to be. There were a few lines in particular that grabbed my attention that I wanted to share:

She knows how to make you helpless and vulnerable – it’s Her goal to keep you that way – permanently.

If I was to try to come up with one line that summed up the way I want to feel as a slave this hits the nail right on the head. I crave that feeling of helplessness, not having any control over things, and I want my wife to be the one to make me feel like that.

She will almost certainly want you kept in chastity – tease and torment is so much better for you that way.”

I wrote a post about how I feel about chastity a little while back, so I’ll just refer to that for this one.

She is likely to have you pierced in multiple places and may have you tattooed to mark you permanently as Her submissive.”

The whole piercing and tattoo thing is something that scares the hell out of me, but I can’t seem to get the idea out of my head. Again, something I might write a post about in the near future as well

Now there are plenty of other things in that post that make my cock twitch just thinking about it, but you can go and read it for yourself if you like. At the very least its acted as something else to stimulate my imagination, which I always enjoy :-)

09
Aug
10

Work/Life/Slave Balance

24 hours in one day is quite simply not enough in my opinion. i’m a busy guy, i work hard at my job, and i do a lot of work outside of my paid time on the job that has been lifting my profile in my industry as well, which has been great from a career perspective, and i have my family with wife and child that i love spending my time doing stuff with – where the hell do i fit being submissive in to all that? Now is a really good example of not having enough time, i have soooooooo much on right now that it’s starting to stress me out a bit (i do have a tendency to throw myself in the deep end a lot, i love a challenge) but because of that i haven’t had time for much else, which means the conversations i’ve had with the wife about wanting to be submissive to her haven’t been able to progress, or even really be talked about any further because i’m too busy. i know i need to start looking for that balance between all of these aspects of my life, and i’m somewhat hoping that balance can include subtlety working the slave angle back into other parts of my life (so that only me and the wife really know whats happening kind of thing). i know this is something i need to work on, and as soon as i can come up for breath from the deep end i put myself into at the moment it’s going to be first on my to-do list – the urge for me to be submissive doesn’t go  away just because i’m busy and i don’t think it ever will.

22
Jul
10

Thoughts on chastity devices

If you go and have a bit of a search around the web for stuff relating to male submission to women, you will no doubt stumble across something to do with chastity devices and keeping us boys from having that sort of fun when no one is watching. You will probably have also noticed that there are two sides to this topic – both agree with the fact that the Mistress should have control over the man and his erections/masturbation/orgasms etc, but its how this is achieved that differs. One group will say that when a man submits to a woman, he should be able to demonstrate enough self restraint to not touch himself without permission, and that there is no need for chastity devices, the other group says that men can’t be trusted and should be locked up and only let out at the Mistress’s discretion (if at all). I’ll put it out there now that i am in the latter group, but not necessarily because i don’t think i could be trusted though.

We currently own a CB2000 chastity device, and in previous attempts at making something work for this type of relationship i used to wear it all the time, 24×7 for days at a time usually. The device itself doesn’t really bother me (sometimes it gets a little uncomfortable but a lot of the time i can barely tell its there) like it does for a lot of people out there (again, looking through forums and web pages a lot of people say most of the plastic ones are incredibly uncomfortable). i was often told that i could take it of to sleep or if it was getting uncomfortable that i could have a break, but more often than not i would choose to keep it on. Why you ask? Well the answer has two parts - firstly, it was a constant reminder of my place and my choice to submit, and secondly it meant that i was horny all the time, which helped me keep my head in that submissive space.

So thinking about the first part there – the constant reminder. i spend a lot of time thinking about ‘kinky’ stuff – i mean a lot of time. So if i already spent all of this time thinking about it, why do i need a constant reminder? Well for me its about the specific trains of though i have i think. When i’m not locked up i find myself thinking about random little fantasies, nothing too major, but its more in the quantity over quality category. When i’m locked up i find myself constantly thinking about my wife, the woman with the key, the woman to whom i give all the power. i think about the ways that i can serve her and ways that she can have her way with me and torture me and the whole kinky thoughts thing takes on a very specific train of thought that revolves around her. i think there is much more of a psychological angle to it that i ever thought there could be and i think that is fantastic – there are so many psychological things about do it for me so anything that adds to the wonderful mess of sexual fantasy in my head gets a big tick in my book.

That constant psychological trigger is what leads to the second point – its more of a trigger for the second point i guess, the constant arousal. The two sorta go hand in hand i think – being aroused by the cage gets me all thinking about how submissive i am, how submissive i can be, and how submissive i want to be – and when i think about those things i get aroused, its all a deliciously vicious cycle.

i’m hoping that as the wife and i start to figure out more of how this type of relationship can work for us that we can do it with me under lock and key – time will tell though.

20
Jul
10

How can a blank canvas be so confused?

bemused adjective - preoccupied; lost in thought

I couldn’t think of a better name for this blog if i tried – it actually felt like a mild stroke of genius when I came up with that one. Those two words are just the perfect description of how i feel about myself right now, and are ultimately why i decided to start this blog to begin with. i’m starting this as a journal of sorts to help me try to make some sense of my thoughts and feelings, primarily for my partner to read (thus why we are keeping it private for now, we might open it up later if we both agree on it – and yet i find myself still writing like i have an audience – i think that diary like style of writing makes it easier for me to keep talking without feeling strange).

So for the benefit of anyone who isn’t my partner if you ever get to see this, i’m a male in my mid 20′s, i have what i would like to call a fairly successful career to date, and a family that i love to bits – that’s what the world gets to see of me. Then there is another part of me – a part where i want to submit to my wife, where i want to be bound and abused, where i want to be used and feel owned. Naturally this part is much more private, and as such it hasn’t been able to be out and open and as well thought out as the rest of my life, i still event feel awkward talking about it to my wife, and we have been together for years and she has known a little about how i feel for almost as long.

What is the problem then i hear you ask? Well we have tried before to do the whole slave and Mistress thing, with varying levels of success, but each time it eventually dwindled away and returned back to that dark corner of my mind. After talking with my wife about it, she said she didn’t really feel like she really understood what i wanted out of this type of relationship – and to be honest neither did i – all i had was lots of random little fantasies that i was trying to piece together into one meaningful piece. i think this lack of understanding what ultimately the undoing of what we were trying to achieve.

The goal now is clear – understanding and getting myself out of this feeling of ‘bemusement’. To understand that private corner of my life and to share every part of it with my wife, so that ultimately we can both benefit from it. i’ll continue to document my thoughts and actions here and hopefully a path forward will eventually form.




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